So, I was recently asked by a film producer of sort if he could use my voice for a documentary that he's producing. I said "Sure!" since it's not technically public speaking. I am not the main narrator. I'm the voice of a girl that's giving her testimony. It was two whole paragraphs! So, yup, that's my claim to fame. You will probably never see the short documentary film, but that's ok. If you want an autograph, please let me know. My royalty checks should be rolling in soon. Oh, too bad that I volunteered for this. Darn! :)
Ok. So, I've struggled with speaking in public my whole life. Basically I don't do it. I took small group communication in college. I skipped out of my classes whenever we had to do presentations (yup, it was worth the deductions). I even declined reading a passage at a church we attended in Israel (do you remember Kim?). I never raised my hand in class to ask or answer questions. I don't volunteer praying in front of groups. My poor Marketing professor learned his lesson the hard way.
For some of you, it's no problem. And you may be thinking, who really cares? Well, I do. I just don't do any kind of things like that especially if I'm not comfortable with you. When I'm put on the spot like that, my stomach starts to turn, my heart feels like it's going to jump out, and occasionally I will start crying.
You're probably thinking "Why is she telling me this?" Well, I guess part of me is venting because of what happened yesterday. You see, we have devotions every day at 11:30. I like to go to devotions and listen to what others have to say. I like to participate in praying, but not praying aloud. So, yesterday, the woman who was leading devotions comes up to me and hands me this piece of paper and said "You have to do this." Basically I had no choice. I was to pray for a particular country....ALOUD! First of all, that completely ruined my state of mind. All I could think of was how much I disliked this woman and how dare she say that I have to do this. I don't have to do anything. I was complaining inwardly. So, it got to the point where I was just absolutely angry and nervous that I just left and went to Sarah's desk. I told her that I couldn't do it and that it ruined my state of worship and I shouldn't be in there. So, Sarah took my place instead and prayed for me.
I've been told by people that I need counseling in this area and others just let me be. Yes, this is a big fear of mine. I hate public speaking with a passion. It kind of goes along the line on my post about Traffic and Satan.
So, note to self: Please don't ever ever ever put me on the spot to answer a question or to pray. Unless you don't want to be my friend anymore, that will definitely guarantee it. I don't think I need counseling. I do think that I need to have a better attitude when someone does call on me. I do feel bad for those strangers who have experienced the wrath of me.
Thanks for letting me vent. :)
