In recent months, I have not been able to:

• listen to any sermon podcasts (I did, however, forced myself to listen to one yesterday...to my surprise, it was good)
• spend time with God
• read the Bible
• journal on a regular basis
• attend church service without anxiety
• not be disappointed in/by people
• see the goodness of Christians and/or Christianity

However, I am able to listen to worship music and enjoy it thoroughly.  It's the only form of "religious" act I can give to right now. This moment in time is my "darkest valley."  As God commands it, I am to walk through it, not stop and settle.  So, with that in mind, my journey may be long (it's been five years so far), but I know one day I'll reach a point where all the things listed above will no longer bring me anxiety and I will have freedom again.  

SIMPLE THINGS in LIFE #2: MUSIC & FRIENDS

This week, I'm really appreciating songs with good lyrics.  I've discovered:  

I love the music and lyrics to the cover song, "Light Up the Sky."  Click on the link to hear the music and read the beautiful lyrics.  And for those who know me, this song is definitely "music in the dark" worthy.  :)

Secondly, I just love my friends.  Good, quality friends are hard to come by these days.  I am really thankful for the ones I have.  Tonight painted a picture of the kind of friends I'm blessed with:  she simply held me tight as I cried out my anger and frustrations to God.  And then she made me laugh.  At the end, I know she didn't judge me or love me less.  So, to all my friends who has been with me the last couple of months, thank you for allowing me to share my crap with you and for not judging me.  I really appreciate it more than words can express.  

DETOX DAY 12 + GOD + CHURCH

Weight loss/gain:  ZERO (Guess it's better than gaining!)

Food intake:  

• Breakfast: Berries w/banana shake
• Lunch: Salad w/wild salmon and 1/2 of a Fuji apple
• Snack: Berries w/banana shake
• Dinner:  Salad w/wild salmon, steamed asparagus, 1/2 of a sweet potato

Exercise: 35 minutes fast paced walk, cheering for Spain, and using my brain on tedious homework problems (does that count?)

I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.  

God + Church:  Well...I'm so overwhelmed with feelings, thoughts and questions. Not sure what do to with it all.  Just when I think I'm doing quite well, something happens and makes me confused.  Any good reads to recommend on this? Perhaps a podcast?  I think I need therapy.  So, any good therapist out there?!  Help!!!!

SO MANY GOODNESS!!!!

Me: "God, there isn't enough of me."
God: "But there's enough of me."

Story #1

At one our team meetings before the trip, I was told by the leader that I will be a translator. Well, most of you know that I can't read or write in Chinese and my Mandarin speaking ability is very limited. But somehow when he told me that, I felt complete peace over me. I didn't hesitate and say no. I just went along with the flow. "Well, at least I'm better off than the rest of the members," was the thought that went through my head. To the rest of the team, everything will look and sound like gibberish. For me, I at least can pick up words and understand the gist of the conversation.

Throughout the trip, I was absolutely amazed how God used me and gave me the ability to understand and translate. It was a miracle! I translated a whole church message to my friend, spoke to the taxi drivers, bargained, ordered food, asked for hot sauce and forks everywhere we went, and conversed with others. God opened up my ears to listen, my mind to understand and my tongue to translate. It was absolutely a miracle. My team members were shock at this gift I have. I couldn't believe it myself. My goal is to learn Mandarin and Korean after I get my MBA degree.

Story #2

Last Friday, we had an all staff spiritual transformational day. It was sooooooooooooooo amazing and needed. I absolutely love having solitude time. It makes my soul happy.

I was excited not to have to work and just sit in nature to converse with God and listen to His voice. Yes, I will admit this: I've been slacking off in spending time with God. Doesn't it seem like when life gets busy, that's the first to go? Is it just me? Anyway, when I found out that we were going to have a day devoted to solitude, I was ecstatic!

We had two speakers from The Leadership Institute come and guide us through the day. Part of the day was devoted to a 3-hour solitude time, sharing time, small group prayer time and a time of affirming one another. It was fabulous! I saw my co-workers in a total different light and have a new appreciation for them and Open Doors. It's amazing how vulnerability draws people closer. I love that the organization sees the need to have spiritual formation days and that it will improve productivity level.

Here's something that we learned at the beginning of the day. It's a simple process, "God-process", that will had huge meaning and impact in my life. So far, within the last two days, these four simple words has dramatically changed the way I experience life. I say it out aloud first thing in the morning, anytime I start to feel anxious and before I go to sleep. It's incredible. The four words are: Pitcher/Cup...Saucer/Plate.

Pitcher: This represents all that God is and longs to pour into the cup of your life: His very being, His existence as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. His character, and His desires for your life.

Cup: This represents your life. It is the unique and distinctive cup of who you are--of who God created us to be and of all that God longs for you to become. God desires to continually pour Himself into the cup of your life until it overflows with His character and grace.

... : Yes, even the three dots has meaning. It's a short pause between the two analogies.

Saucer: The divine overflow spills onto the saucer. This represents relationships, the network of people your life touches, however frequently or infrequently.

Plate: This represents the events, the places, and the organizations where God's gracious presence in your life can further overflow through you and, at times, through your leadership responsibilities.

The sequence and process of this concept really matters. If you have some time, go through this exercise by sitting with God and think about the process. Often times, I skip right over the pitcher and cup and go straight to the plate. This exercise helped me understand how to prioritize my life to more effective.

You may not have a 3-hour block of time to think over this, but even if it's a few minutes a day allowing God to pour into your life, I'm pretty sure you will see and feel the difference.

*The description above was taken from Chuck Miller's book. I don't know which one since he didn't tell us, but it's in one of his books that can be found here. :)*

GOD, YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING...

Recently, I've found a new appreciation for being born in Taiwan. That new appreciation is my Taiwan passport. As many of you know, I was never fond of my heritage/culture just because of the way I grew up. God has been dealing with me on that in the last couple of years and just within the recent months, I've discovered how lucky I am to have dual citizenship.

I'm in the process of getting my Taiwan passport renewed. It will allow me into countries where having an American passport is looked down upon, harder to get in and costing a whole lot more due to visas. I love this country for all the freedom that we have and compared to a lot of the other places, we have a pretty good government...only when it's compared to other countries. :) But even with all that, traveling abroad with an American passport is actually not as safe as you think.

I've gotten a lot of comments lately from work how lucky I am that I have a Taiwan passport and that I need to take advantage of it. So, I am. God is definitely up to something...I know it. I can't share all the details yet, but little by little I am appreciating the power of being born in Taiwan. THANK YOU GOD!

So, if you can just pray for this process to go smoothly and for God to keep revealing His plans to me, I would greatly appreciate it!!!! Love you all!

I AM MY BELOVED AND HE IS MINE.

I am not even sure where to begin.

I did not have any philosophical/theological revelations.

I did not hear the audible voice of God telling me the next steps of my life. (You know, the voice that sounds like Morgan Freeman? Yeah, that voice.)

I DID, however, discover the TRUE meaning to why God called me on this trip.

I've discovered how God sees me and that I needed to be responsible and take ownership of it.

The first few days of my trip was spent in Annecy, France. This is a small, quaint city outside of Geneva. When I arrived, I quickly unpacked and walked to the park to sit and just collect my thoughts. I found a park bench that overlooked the lake and the mountain. The view was magnificent!!! It was like I was sitting in front of a giant postcard. See picture below.

It was there that God first attempted to tell me why I was on this journey. I remember whispering and journaling this: "Wow, this is such a beautiful view!"

"I've created all this for you to see. I create beautiful things. I've created you. You are beautiful." was God's reply.

God had to hammer this concept inside of my head and heart in all different ways. At first I was just like "Thanks for the compliment." and move on with my agenda. He kept pounding this concept in me in all different ways and it wasn't until the last day of my trip that I finally got it and accept it without hesitation. It was so freeing!! God has called me His beautiful jewel and that I was not to be hidden away, but to be shown to the world.

My trip was far more than I have expected. It accomplished one thing and a little bit of another. But that ONE thing was HUGE! I am learning to love myself and to walk in confidence through life. I needed this boost of confidence so that He can begin to do bigger and better things in and through me. I needed to accept myself so that I can be a blessing to others.

I woke up on 1/1/08 with this: "Grace. 2008 is going to be a big year!" So far, it has been great and more than I could possibly have imagined!

The journey is just starting....

HE DELIGHTS IN YOU.

God speaks loud and clear at times. It's been an amazing journey with my relationship with Him this year. Finally finding a place where I belong makes such a HUGE difference. That is family.

On Sunday, God spoke to me through people I hardly know. I went up front in hope to hear a word of affirmation/confirmation that has been on my heart for awhile, but instead it went completely a whole different direction.

The whole thing was great, but the phrase that stood out to me the most was "God delights in you!" The girl kept saying that over and over again in my ears as the others prayed. I've never felt this way before. For the first time, I felt released and free from the bondage that I've been struggling with. Those words and prayers spoken on Sunday broke that for me. I feel totally different and can see the freedom that has set upon my mind.

This is such a whole new experience for me. To have people pray over you, lay hands of you, prophesy over you...ALL new. It's pretty amazing.

Have you ever experienced such an amazing thing before? Please share!