PLEASE DON'T PREACH AT ME OR JUDGE ME!

Please don't preach at me or judge me on what I'm about to share. The last couple of years has been the best times of my life in regards with my relationship with God.I've been to the deep valleys and climbed to the highest mountain tops. I've loved my journey and I love where I am right now. I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world. I've come to know who I am and what being a follower of Christ means to me. To some, or even many, of you who reads this may disagree with me, but please don't judge or preach at me. I'm figuring things out and I'm just sharing my journey.  Here I go...

• I am not a fan of "formulaic" Christianity.  Please don't preach to me on the things I must do to become a better, mature Christian.
• I do not like schedule forced time with God.  I won't do it.  
• I am not one that likes to pray OUT LOUD when asked, especially when I don't trust you. I will answer you politely by saying, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but no thanks."  Yes, I know it's shocking that I would refuse such a request.  I've seen all sort of faces of shock in the last few years.  But, I WILL reject it and trust me, God still loves me. 
• I'll pray out loud when I feel like I need to.  Please respect me and don't ask me to open, close or tell me which prayer requests to pray out loud for. The forced praying out loud thing doesn't work for me. I'll probably end up not saying anything or even walk out.  I'm perfectly fine praying along with everyone else and praying SILENTLY in my chair.  
• I am fearful of churches that uses some sort of metrics/surveys to measure spiritual growth or maturity among members and attendees.  I refuse to answer an surveys that asks how many times I pray daily, how much I tithe and how often, etc.  
• I don't believe Church only happens in the pews located in a building on Sunday mornings.  Neither am I a fan of going to church in a building just to show that I'm a follower of Christ or a better Christian.  Things like that makes me cringe.  
• I ABSOLUTELY detest church politics.  Just pure yuckiness. 
• I don't embrace fakeness.  24/7 happy Christians scares me...a lot.  Something is really creepy about that.  It's ok to be raw and admit you're going through a tough time.  I love people who are open and honest.  
• I don't embrace self-glorification.  Please don't start a conversation with me just to tell me how holy and good you are.  I will walk away from you or put on my headphones in the middle of the conversation.  I'm not joking.  But if you want to tell me your journey and what God has shown you, I will clear my schedule to listen, but I will not tolerate if you want to compare with me or others.  

As a dear friend told me today how she just sees God has preserved me from walking away from Him. He truly has. There has been so many instances that has made me cringe and ready to give it all up. The amazing thing is that every time I'm about to give up, God tells me, "Silly girl, I'm not going to let you go." Now, I cannot imagine my life with Him. Just can't. I'm so glad that He has "preserved" me as His beloved one. 

So, for those who are reading this and are having a hard journey, you are NOT alone. I COMPLETELY understand. Don't be afraid to be yourself. There isn't a "check-off" list. Continue to seek and love God as best as you can. Listen to those who you admire and trust. Listen to your heart. Go visit L'Abri. :) And remember, God loves you, period.  

And I'll leave you with this quote from another wise and dear friend: "I'm not having a 'faith crisis.' I know what I believe, that has not changed. I am however, having a 'Christianity crisis.' It's time for change."

TRIP LESSON #2

I've been learning to recognize the different ways God speaks to me. For me, I believe that He speaks to me through my feelings and ocassionally, through a picture or a certain word. But most of the time, I believe He speaks to me by giving me a strong sense of certain things. I've figured all of this out while on my trip.

I guess whenever people say that they hear God, I'm expecting an actual audible voice. But that's not always the case. It just depends who you are, how you experience Him and that's how He "speaks" to you.

I love travelling by myself. I didn't have to worry about where to go, I can do anything I wanted. There were no set schedule and places to rush to. But one thing about travelling alone is the lack of communication. I've met some people, but most of the time, they don't speak any English. Anyway, the last day in Geneva, I was craving to have someone to talk to. It was the 7th day into my trip and I was just dying for a good conversation with someone!

As I walked out of the hotel and onto the busy street, I saw this girl standing in front of me at the stop light. I had a strong "sense" that she spoke English and she would be a good person to talk to. I thought about the possibility to talk to her, but it would just make me look like some strange, creepy girl. As we crossed the street, I had all these thoughts going through my head, like that it would be great if I could "accidentally" bump into her which will lead to having a conversation. All of a sudden, she stops at a ATM and I didn't have a reason to "accidentally" bump into her, so I just kept walking and walked to the nearest park to sit on the bench.

Ten minutes passed and I was still thinking about this girl. I was thinking to myself, "Ok, if she passes me, I'll smile and say hi!" I saw her, but she was 10 feet away and wasn't close enough for me to say "hi" in my normal tone of voice. I didn't want to yell either. That would really have scared her away. :) Then, I started thinking, "Ok, if she comes closer to the bench, I'll make my move." She started to walk toward where I was sitting and I was feeling excited and prepared myself. Then, all of sudden, she turned and walked the other way! I couldn't believe it. I was so close. Part of me said to go after her, but why would I do that? No way am I going after a stranger! I felt like I just lost a battle, but what could I do? I had to just set the feeling aside and move on. Then a strong "sense" came over me letting me know that I was going to meet her at L'Abri. I was like, "Yeah right. Out of all the people here, I'm going to meet her?! Whatever."

The day that I arrived at L'Abri, I met people left and right. By this point, I wasn't even thinking of her. Then she came into my room to introduce herself to me. That's when everything hit me. I asked her if she was in Geneva a few days back and if she stopped at an ATM machine. She said yes and I told her that when I saw her, I knew that I should have talked to her, but when the chance passed by, something told me that I was going to meet her at L'Abri. Turned out that she just arrived at Geneva that day and she was trying to get her bearings. She was also desparately in need of a conversation and told me that I should've went up to her!

(Bethany, my new found Australian friend, and me.)

From that point on, we were pretty much connected to the hips. She's there for the full 10 weeks and I miss her so much! We were an instant click and our friendship went to a level that usually would take months to get to! God brought us together for a reason and I'm glad He did.

From that experience, I've learned that God speaks loud and clear through my feelings/senses. I often disregard those things because I didn't think it had any value. But I've learned that on this trip that He "speaks" in many different ways (dreams, visions, words, etc...). Also, I've learned that we need to take the risk and just try it out. Throughout my trip, I've had a couple of instances where my senses/feelings just overwhelmed me to the point that I had to do something about it. I took the bold steps and the results were amazing. Now, I hold on to that and claim it. It's part of my intimate walk/relationship with God.

How does God speaks to you?

More to come later...